Broken Lawnmower
A couple’s lawn mower was broken, and the wife kept hinting to her husband that he should get it repaired. But the message never sunk in. She finally thought of a way to make her point.
One day the husband arrived home to find her seated in the grass busily snipping away with a pair of scissors. He watched silently for a short time, and then went into the house.
He returned a few moments later, handed her a toothbrush and said, “When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the sidewalk.”
The doctors say he should be able to walk again, but always have the limp.
Veterinarian
In one small town the Sheriff was also the Veterinarian.
One night an agitated citizen phoned him: “We need you right away!”
“Do you need me as the sheriff or the vet?”
“Both! We can’t get our dog’s mouth open, and there’s a burglar in it!”
Pray for hearing
In a church one Sunday morning, a preacher said, “Anyone with ‘special needs’ who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar.”
With that, Bill got in line, and when it was his turn, the preacher asked, “Bill, what do you want me to pray about for you?”
Bill replied, “Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing.”
The preacher put one finger of one hand in Bill’s ear, placed his other hand on top of Bill’s head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, “Bill, how is your hearing now?”
Bill answered, “I don’t know. It ain’t ’til Thursday.”
