Family Pressure
Three wives were bemoaning their husbands’ attitudes towards leftovers:
“It gets rough,” one said. “My husband is a movie producer and he calls them reruns.”
“You think you have it bad,” was the reply. “Mine is a quality control engineer and he calls them rejects!”
“That’s nothing compared to me,” said the third lady. “My husband is a mortician. He calls them remains!”
Dinner Guests
The hostess (with a daughter of marriageable age – of long duration) sent out an invitation to an officer who was supposed to be the prospective suitor of her daughter’s hand.
“Mr. and Mrs. Dabney request the pleasure of Captain Black’s company at dinner on the 16th of September.”
She was somewhat dismayed to receive the enthusiastic reply:
“With the exception of four men on leave, and two sick, Captain Black’s company accept with much pleasure your invitation to dinner on the 16th of September.”
Biblical Funny
Father O’Shea, the parish priest in the village, was giving a sermon about charity. He said, “The trouble with the world today is that some people have too much and others have too little. We must give of ourselves and our worldly goods to help the less fortunate.”
He said to Harrigan, “If you had ten thousand pounds, wouldn’t you give half of it to the poor?”
He said, “I would do that, Father.”
The priest said, “If you had two greyhounds, wouldn’t you give one of them to your neighbor next door?”
Harrigan said, “No.”
The priest said, “And why not?”
He said, “I have two greyhounds.”
