If famous historical figures were looking for a job today…
Julius Caesar: My last job involved a lot of office politics and back stabbing. I’d like to get away from all that.
Jesse James: I can list among my experience and skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of security measures at numerous banks.
Marie Antoinette: My management style has been criticized, but I’d like to think of myself as a people person.
Joseph Guillotin: I can give your company a head start on the competition.
Hamlet: My position was eliminated in a hostile takeover.
Pandora: I can bring a lot to your company. I like discovering new things.
Genghis Khan: My primary talent is downsizing. On my last job I downsized my staff, my organization, and the populations of several countries.
Macbeth: Would I go after my boss’s job? Do I look like the kind of guy who would knock off his boss for a promotion?
Lady Godiva: What do mean, this isn’t “business casual”?
Elvis: My last boss and I…say, are you going to eat those fries?
Waiting for the bus
A girl from out of town was visiting
“Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?”
The officer replied, “Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It’ll take you right there.” She thanked the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and,
Sure enough, the girl is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, “Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?”
The girl replied, “Don’t worry, officer, it won’t be long now…
The 45th bus just went by!”
Open Mouth, Insert Foot
At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the anesthesiologist often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax.
One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the hospital where he had trained.
When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, “So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?”
“Well, I suppose,” she replied, “I’m still cooking it.”
