But, Officer!
The Smiths received a late-night call from the police: “We have your son down at headquarters. He was driving 90 miles an hour in a stolen car he used to burglarize an appliance store, and it took three patrol officers to bring him in.”
“Oh, come now,” said Mr. Smith. “He never does things like that at home!”
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Deli Tax Return
The owner of a small deli was being questioned by the IRS about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.
“Why don’t you people leave me alone?” the deli owner said. “I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, and the place is closed only three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?”
“It’s not your income that bothers us,” the agent said. “It’s these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife.”
“Oh, that,” the owner said, smiling. “I forgot to tell you – we also deliver.”
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Couples Observation
Within a year, our Young Couples Department at church had grown from one class of eight active couples to four classes with 56 active couples!
On Baby Dedication Sunday that year, we had 19 babies! Our Pastor was so excited. He stood in the pulpit that Sunday with 19 babies and their parents facing him. He wanted to brag on these couples and the great job that they had done growing this Young Couples Department. However, here’s what he actually said: “Just look at ALL these babies! Folks, this just goes to show what our young couples have been doing!!!”
The laughter started and continued for several minutes. Every time the pastor tried to say something, the laughter would begin again. Finally, the red-faced pastor added, “For which we are grateful.”
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Grandpa’s Gift
When our grandson Thomas was 5 years old, his Grandpa thought it would be a good idea to give him a carpenter’s set for Christmas. Grandpa finally found a nice carpenter’s set that included a hammer, screwdriver, etc. but there was no handsaw. Undaunted, Grandpa bought a small hacksaw to include with the gift.
A couple of months after Christmas, Grandpa phoned grandson Thomas. He said, “Thomas, how are you enjoying your carpenter’s set?” There was a very long pause at the other end of the line. Then he heard Thomas holler, “Daaaaaaad! When do I get my saw back?”
