“You never see a fish on the wall with its mouth shut.”

Checking Your IQ

Mensa is an organization whose members have an IQ of 140 or higher. A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco and several members lunched at a local cafe.

While dining, they discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling anything and using only the implements at hand? Clearly, this was a job for Mensa! The group debated and presented ideas and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.

“Ma’am,” they said, “we couldn’t help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker…”

“Oh,” the waitress interrupted. “Sorry about that.” She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

In Pain

While working as a Navy nurse in a military hospital’s emergency room, I was required to introduce myself by my rank and full name. I usually refer to myself as Ensign Mike Payne, but one busy day, I rushed into a patient’s room and blurted, “Hi, I’m Ensign Payne.”

“Hi,” the patient responded. “I’m in some pain too.”

Family History

Blood may be thicker than water, but baseball beats them both.

I learned that after explaining to my two boys that they were half Lithuanian on their father’s side and half Yankee, meaning their other set of grandparents came from an old New England family.

My younger son looked worried. “But we’re still one hundred percent Red Sox, right?”

On the Farm

Having grown up just outside New York City, I barely knew a cow from an ear of corn. Until, that is, I married a small town Ohio girl. While I was in seminary school, I had a temporary assignment at a church in a rural community. The day of my first sermon, I tried very hard to fit in. Maybe too hard.

With my wife sitting in the first pew, I began my discourse, “I never saw a cow until I met my wife.”

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