You know you’ve had too much coffee when…
- You can type sixty words a minute…with your feet.
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- You chew on other people’s fingernails.
- You answer the door…before people knock.
- You sleep with your eyes open.
- You go to sleep, just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
- You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- You’re the employee of the month at Starbucks and you don’t even work there.
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You’re so wired you pick up FM radio.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug, on your coffee mug!
Do Not Disturb
After a worship service at a Baptist Church in Newcastle, a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet.
About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, “If you don’t be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!”
It worked.
Helicopter Ride
Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, and every year Buddy would say, “Edna, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.”
Edna always replied, “I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks.”
One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair, and Buddy said, “Edna, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.”
To this, Edna replied, “Buddy, that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks.”
The pilot overheard the couple and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won’t charge you a penny! But if you say one word it’s fifty dollars.”
Buddy and Edna agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of crazy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, trying to elicit even a peep, but still not a word!
When they landed, the pilot turned to Buddy and said, “By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I am impressed!”
Buddy replied, “Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Edna fell out, but you know, fifty bucks is fifty bucks!”
