Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end.
Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, “Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!”.
“Really?” he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.
A clerk answers and Tom says “Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?”
The clerk replies “Canned or frozen?”
Car Finding Gadget
After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I happened to leave at the same time, only to be faced with the daunting task of finding our cars in the crowded parking lot. Just then my car horn beeped, and I was able to locate my vehicle easily.
Wow,” the woman said. “I sure could use a gadget like that to help me find my car.”
“Actually,” I replied, “That’s my husband.”
Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband.
“Henry,” she said, “I’ve just received a letter from mother saying she isn’t accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn’t you?”
“Er, yes, I did,” said the husband. “But I couldn’t spell ‘convenience,’ so I made it ‘risk’.”