Things You’ll Never Hear a Mother Say / Medical Mystery / Doctor’s Orders


Things You’ll Never Hear a Mother Say

“How on earth can you see the TV sitting so
far back?”

“Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too.”

“Just leave all the lights on. It makes the
house look more cheery.”

“Let me smell that shirt. Yeah, it’s good for
another week.”

“Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I’ll
be glad to feed and walk him everyday.”

“Well, if Timmy’s mom says it’s okay, that’s
good enough for me.”

“The curfew is just a general time to shoot
for. It’s not like I’m running a prison around here.”

“I don’t have a tissue with me, just use your

“Don’t bother wearing a jacket. The wind chill is
bound to improve.”

Medical Mystery

I went to a medical clinic for an
electrocardiogram. While the technician was lining up her machine, I told her I
have dextrocardia.

“What’s that?” she asked.

“It means my heart is on the right side of my
chest rather than on the left,” I answered. “You should set up your
machine to accommodate that.”

As she attached the wires, she asked casually,
“Tell me, have you had that for long?”

Doctor’s Orders

A doctor told Mrs. Stone to give her husband one
pill a day and one drink of whiskey to improve his stamina. A month later when
Mrs. Stone came in for another visit, the doctor asked, “How are we doing
with the pill and the whiskey?”

Mrs. Stone answered, “Well, he’s a little
behind with the pills, but he’s about six months ahead with the whiskey.”

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