A minister in a little church had been having trouble with the collections. One Sunday he announced, “Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Brother Martin’s henhouse please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn’t want money from a thief!” The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time in months everybody gave.
How Old Am I?
A guy’s wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the “miracle” products, she asked, “Darling, honestly, what age would you say I look?”
Looking her over carefully, he replied, “By your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen and your figure, twenty- five.”
“Oh, you flatterer!”
“Hey, wait a minute. I haven’t added them up yet!”
Beating the Competition
The flight home from a recent business trip was pretty empty. So, the pilot made a simple request of the passengers.
“We have a little extra room tonight, folks,” he said over the PA system. “So, if you wouldn’t mind, please take a window seat so that the competition thinks the plane is full.”