Lost in the Woods
Two hunters got lost in the woods. The first hunter said, “Don’t worry. All we have to do is shoot into the air three times, stay where we are, and someone will find us.”
So they shot in the air three times, but no one came. After a while, they tried it again; still no response.
Finally the second hunter said, “I suppose we can try again, but it better work this time. We’re down to our last three arrows.”
Loving Jesus
The little boy came home from his first day at Sunday School. He told his mother that his Sunday school teacher was Jesus’ granny.
“How did you reach that conclusion?” his mother asked.
“Well, she never stops talking about Jesus,” he replied.
Palm Sunday
It was Palm Sunday and, because of a sore throat, five-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter.
When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. The boy asked what they were for.
“People held them over Jesus’ head as he walked by.”
“Wouldn’t you know it,” the boy fumed. “The one Sunday I don’t go, He shows up!”
Cemetery
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the Kentucky back country.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn’t stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man. And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep.
They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before, and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”
