Keeping up
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, “Does the sun rise in the north?”
When another person jumped in and explained that the sun rises in the east (and has for some time), she shook her head and said, “Oh, I don’t keep up with that stuff.”
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Altar Call
A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.
After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation.
For the life of him, he couldn’t think of the names of those who were to be married.
“Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?” he requested.
Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.
Long Marriages
On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.
“Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?”
Tom responds, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single.”
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Head Knowledge
On the Upper West Side of NYC lived an assimilated Jewish man who was now a very militant atheist. But he sent his son Morris to Trinity School because, despite its denominational roots, it’s a great school and completely secular.
After a month, the boy came home and said casually, “By the way Dad, I learned what Trinity means! It means ‘The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.'”
The father could barely control his rage. He seized his son by the shoulders and declared, “Morris, I’m going to tell you something now and I want you never to forget it. Forget the Trinity business. ‘There is only one God… and we don’t believe in him!'”
