An Honest Golfer
About four or five years ago I was standing in a ticket line at LAX, and a fellow in a line parallel to mine had a golf bag slung over his shoulder. Since the line was long and airline ticketing is a slow process at best, we struck up a conversation.
He brightened when I admired his golf bag, and he proudly stated that he was on the PGA Tour. Then he turned to me and asked the question all golfers ask: “Do you play?”
I shook my head, “I used to, but I quit because I wasn’t very good. I shot consistently in the lower seventies.”
There was a long, low in-take of breath, then “The lower seventies?”
“Yes,” I admitted.
“Consistently?” he queried admiringly.
“Every hole,” I confessed.
New Employee Orientation
Five cannibals get appointed as engineers in a high-tech company. During the welcoming ceremony, the boss says, “You’re all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat. So don’t trouble any of the other employees.”
The cannibals promised not to trouble the other employees.
Four weeks later, the boss returns and says, “You’re all working very hard, and I’m very satisfied with all of you; however, one of our janitors has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?”
The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing janitor. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others, “Which of you idiots ate the janitor?”
A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says, “You fool! For four weeks we’ve been eating Team Leaders and Project Managers so no one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the janitor!”
This Is Good
The story is told of a king in Africa who had a close friend with whom he grew up. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, “This is good!”
One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, “This is good!” To which the king replied, “No, this is NOT good!” and proceeded to send his friend to jail.
About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took them to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake. As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way.
As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. “You were right,” he said, “it was good that my thumb was blown off.” And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. “And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this.”
“No,” his friend replied, “This is good!”
“What do you mean, ‘This is good’? How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?”
“If I had NOT been in jail, I would have been with you.”
