Dog’s Life Complaint
A woman told a marriage counselor that her husband’s complaint that he leads a dog’s life is probably well founded.
“He comes in the house with muddy feet,” she said, “tracks across my clean floors, barks at nothing, growls at his food and makes himself comfortable on my best furniture.”
Drug Inspection
A DEA (Drug Enforcement Administration) officer stops at a ranch in Montana and talks with an old rancher.
He tells the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.”
The old rancher says, “Okay, but do not go in that field over there,” as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes, saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me.” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the farmer. “See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear?
Do you understand?”
The old rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life, chased close behind by the rancher’s prize bull. With every step, the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he’ll get “horned” before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.
The old rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence, and yells at the top of his lungs, “Your badge! Show him your badge!”
The Light of the world
The boy forgot his lines in the Sunday School music and drama presentation. His mother, sitting in the front row tried to prompt him, gesturing and forming the words silently with her lips, but it didn’t help. Her son’s memory was blank.
Finally she leaned forward and whispered the cue, “I am the light of the world.”
The child beamed with acknowledgment and in a loud, clear voice so that everyone in the congregation could hear said, “My Mommy is the light of the world.”
