Excerpts from requests sent to landlords
1. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.
2. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.
3. The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?
4. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.
5. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
6. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
7. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.
8. Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.
9. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink.
10. Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap? My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.
Tax
Auditor: It is your duty as a citizen to pay taxes, and we expect you to pay them with a smile.
Taxpayer (grinning widely): Wonderful! I thought you expected me to pay them with cash!
Congress Crash
A plane full of congressmen on a political fact-finding tour crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the FBI mobilized and descended on the farm in force.
When they got there, all they found was a burned hulk, smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm. The agents descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or passengers. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all had happened. They hurried over to surround the man’s tractor.
“Sir,” the senior FBI agent asked, panting and out of breath. “Did you see this terrible accident happen?”
“Yep. Sure did.” The farmer muttered unconcernedly.
“Did you realize that plane was full of congressmen?”
“Yep.”
“Weren’t there any survivors?” the agent gasped.
“Nope. They’s all kilt straight out.” The farmer sighed, cutting off his tractor motor. “I done buried them all myself. Took most of the morning too.”
“All of the Senators were dead?” The agent gulped in disbelief.
“Well,” the farmer sighed, obviously wanting to get back to his work.
“A few of ’em kept a-saying they wasn’t … but you know what liars all them career politicians is.”
