Do Not Talk To My Parrot
Mrs. Lonefold’s dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman.
He couldn’t accommodate her with an evening appointment, and, since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you the check. By the way, don’t worry about my Rottweiler. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do not under *any* circumstances talk to my parrot!”
When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Lonefold’s apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen.
But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business.
However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with incessant cursing, yelling, and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled: “Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!!”
To which the parrot replied: “GET HIM, Brutus!!”
Paid For
My wife and I, both graduate students, recently celebrated the arrival of our first child. At my wife’s insistence, we had paid our entire medical bill and were now worried about meeting other payments.
We were discussing our sad financial situation one evening when our son demanded a diaper change. As my wife leaned over the baby’s crib, I heard her mutter, “The only thing in the house that’s paid for, and it leaks.”
Mistakes
If an engineer makes a mistake,
It is a new venture!
If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a new invention!
If an explorer makes a mistake,
It’s a new discovery!
If a driver makes a mistake,
It is an accident!
If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a new law!
If a professor makes a mistake,
It is a new theory!
If a hairstylist makes a mistake,
It’s a new style!
If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a new fashion!
If parents make a mistake,
It is a new generation!
If the boss makes a mistake,
It is our mistake!
If an employee makes a mistake,
Now, *that* is a “MISTAKE!”
