“Friendship Poems”
Are you tired of those Sissy ‘friendship’ poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?
Well, let’s try this my way…just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.
1. When you are sad, I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!
2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you’re scared, we will high tail it out of here.
5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!!!!
6. When you are confused, I will use little words.
7. When you are sick, stay away from me until you are well again…I don’t want whatever you have.
8. When you fall, I’ll pick you up and dust you off–After I laugh my head off!
9. This is my oath…I pledge it to the end.
‘Why?’ you may ask…because you are my FRIEND!
“Romance”
My pregnant daughter and her husband were checking out a new birth facility that was more like a spa. The birthing room had a hot tub, soft music and candlelight.
“What do you think?” she said
He looked around. “Isn’t this how we got here in the first place?”
Getting Into the Olympics
Three friends were big fans of the Olympics and were trying to sneak into the Olympic Village to scoop souvenirs and autographs.
The first said, “Let’s watch the registration table to see if there’s a crack in the security system that we can utilize to work our way in.”
A moment later, a burly athlete walked up to the table and stated,”Angus MacPherson.
The attendant said, “Very good, Mr. MacPherson. Here is your packet of registration materials, complete with hotel keys, passes to all Olympic events, meal tickets, and other information. “
The first man got an idea. There was a construction site practically next door. Surely there would be some props they could use. They headed over to the site, slipped through the gate and had a look around.
The first man picked up a long thin board, whittled a sharp point on one end, headed back to the Olympic Village, walked up to the registration table and said, “Chuck Wagon.
The attendant said, “Very good, Mr. Wagon. Here is your packet of registration materials, hotel keys, passes, meal tickets, and information. Good luck!”
The second man came in with a street utility manhole cover. He walked up to the registration table and stated, “Dusty Rhodes.
The attendant said, “Terrific, Mr. Rhodes. Here is your packet of registration materials, hotel keys, a full set of passes, and meal tickets. Enjoy yourself.”
They both scampered in, but suddenly realized their third was missing.
They looked around but they didn’t see him. They began to worry because he was kind of a simpleton and they forgot to make sure he didn’t do something stupid and blow their cover stories. Just then they saw him walking up to the registration table. In horror, they realized what he was carrying and what he was about to say. They tried to stop him but it was too late.
He proudly walked up to the table with a roll of chain link wire under his arm and stated, “Foster Bean.
