Dream car
After shopping for weeks, I finally found the car of my dreams. It was only two years old and in beautiful condition. The salesman asked if I would like to take it for a test drive. We had traveled no more than two miles when the car broke down. The salesman called for a tow truck.
When it arrived, we climbed into the front seat. While the driver was hooking up the car, the salesman turned to me with a smile and said, “Well, now, what is it going to take to put you behind the wheel of that beauty today?”
New retiree
Charlie, a new retiree greeter at Walmart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their “Older Person Friendly” policies.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk: “Charlie, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic. You do a bang-up job, but being late so often is quite bothersome.”
“Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it.”
“Well good, you are a team player. That’s what I like to hear. It’s odd though you’re coming in late. I know you’re retired from the armed forces. What did they say if you came in late there?”
“They said, ‘Good morning, General, can I get you coffee, sir?'”
Optimism vs. Pessimism
A shoe manufacturer sent two salesmen to a remote country. Not long after, he received a telegram from each. One wrote: “Get me out of here – no one wears shoes.”
The other wrote: “Quick, send me more inventory – everyone here needs shoes!”
Twins
A young mother was standing outside a mall holding her six- month-old baby and her sister’s three-month-old baby.
Two women approached the mother. “Are they twins?” one asked.
“No, they’re three months apart.”
“My! You sure had them close together.”
