Diagnosis
The man told his
doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used
to do. When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take
it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.” “Well, in plain
English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.”
“Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can
tell my wife.”
Birthday Card
Realizing at the
last minute that it was his father’s birthday, a teenage boy rushed to the
corner store to grab a card. He quickly found a son-to-father card, but
neglected to read it carefully. Later when his father opened his gifts, he was
surprised to read aloud, “Happy birthday to a wonderful Dad. Now that I’m
a father too . . .”
Who To Blame?
Let’s see if I understand how the world works
lately… If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, he blames
the restaurant. If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung
cancer, your family blames the tobacco company. If your neighbor crashes into a
tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender. If your grandchildren
are brats without manners, you blame television. If your friend is shot by a
deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer. And if a crazed person breaks
into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers
kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline. I must
have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore. So, if I die
while my old, wrinkled butt is parked in front of this computer, I want you to
blame Bill Gates…okay?
