Thanks To You Know Who
A fourth-grader stood up in his public school class, giving a report concerning the origins of the Thanksgiving holiday. Here’s how he began:
“The pilgrims came here seeking freedom of you know what.
When they landed, they gave thanks to you know who.
Because of them, we can worship each Sunday, you know where.”
Weddings and Funerals
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Promotion
“So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said ‘You’ve been promoted.’ And I swerved.
“And then he rang up a second time and said, ‘You’ve been promoted again.’ And I swerved again.
“He rang up a third time and said ‘You’re actually the new managing director.’ And I went into a tree.
“So a policeman came up and asked, ‘What happened to you?’ And I said ‘I careered off the road.'”
Fly Problem
My husband is a doctor, and he received an emergency call from a patient.
She had a fly in her ear. He suggested an old home remedy. “Pour warm olive oil into your ear and lie down for a few minutes,” he said. “When you lift your head the fly should emerge with the liquid.”
The patient thought that sounded like a good idea, but she still asked, “Into which ear should I pour the oil?”
