Nine
Out of Ten
I was
meeting a friend in a bar and as I went in, I noticed two pretty girls looking
at me.
“Nine,”
I heard one whisper as I passed.
Feeling
pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl had just
rated me a nine out of ten.
“I
don’t want to ruin it for you,” he said, “but when I walked in, they
were speaking German.”
Late
Rent
lived in his loft for six months and by now, it was filled with the paintings
he had created. He worked day and night, stopping only occasionally for
something to eat. He thought little about food and less about sleep. But what
he thought about least of all was his rent.
As a
result, his landlord now stood before him, demanding the three months rent
“Give
me a couple of weeks,”
pleaded. “I know I’m on the verge of making some sales.”
“Absolutely
not,” the landlord said. “You gave me that story last month. You
won’t get another day’s credit from me.”
“Look,”
“think of it as an investment. Someday this loft will be famous and you’ll
be able to charge a fortune for it. In a few years, people will come into this
disgusting loft and whisper, ‘
used to paint here.'”
“Pay
your rent now,” the landlord said, “or they’ll be able to say it
tomorrow morning!”
Dispensary
Army doctor to recruit: “Did the injury occur when you were on the
football team?” Recruit: “No, Sir, It happened when the football team
was on me.”
The
Great Escape
A
convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After
two years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the
six o’clock news.
Because
he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little traveled routes,
running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of.
Eventually,
he arrived at his house and he rang the door bell.
His wife opened the door and
bellowed at him, “You good for nothing bum! Where have you been? You
escaped over 12 hours ago!”
