My wife has a slight impediment in her speech – every now and then she stops to breathe. (Jimmy Durante)
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“I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.”
Truly married
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.
Feet
If your feet smell and your nose runs, you’re built upside down.
The early bird
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.