HumorThe preacher was wired for sound with
a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, wildy
gesturing with one hand and jerking the mike cord along with the other. Then he
moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before
jerking it again.

After several circles and jerks, a little girl in
the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered,  “If he gets
loose, we better run!”

Dear God,

So far
today, I’ve done all right.

haven’t gossiped. I haven’t lost my temper. I haven’t been greedy, grumpy,
nasty, selfish or over indulgent.

very thankful for that.

But in
a few minutes, Lord, I’m going to get out of bed; and from then on, I’m
probably going to need a lot more help.


After every flight, pilots fill out a form (called a “gripe
sheet,” at some airlines) which tells mechanics about problems with the
aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the
form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let
it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded
(marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.  

Number 3 engine missing.

Engine found on right wing after brief

P: Aircraft handles funny.
(I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to:
straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar
with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under
instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

Took hammer away from midget.

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