Pray out loud
The pastor of a mid-sized church decided one Monday morning that the staff would verbalize their prayers at the weekly staff meeting. He led off: “Lord, my daughter is about to go away to college, I only make R500 000 a year, and it’s not enough.”
He turned to the associate pastor, and She said, “Lord, I have two children in preschool, a new mortgage, I only make R 450 000 a year, and it’s not enough.”
The minister of education continues with his chant, “Lord, you know I need a new car, my wife is not well, I only make R380 000 a year, and it’s not enough.”
The youth minister has her turn next: “Lord, I’ve just finished seminary, I have huge student loans, I only make R200 000 a year and it’s not enough.”
At last it’s time for the minister of music. His prayer went like this: “Lord, my son is graduating from Harvard, we bought a new boat, I make R1 000 000 a year and … ‘there’s no business like show business!'”
Funeral plans
It was a difficult subject to bring before his aged mother, but John felt that he must: “Mom, you’re no longer a spring chicken and you do need to think ahead of what’ll happen in the future. Why don’t we make arrangements about when… you know… when… you pass on?”
The mother didn’t say anything, just sat there staring ahead.
“I mean, Mom, like…how do you want to finally go? Do you want to be buried? Cremated?”
There was yet another long pause. Then the mother looked up and said, “Son, why don’t you surprise me?”
Serious Hook
After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, “Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?”
“Yes,” the golfer responded.
“Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?”
“Yes, I did. How did you know?” he asked.
“Well,” said the policeman very seriously, “Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver’s windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn’t make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?”
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded…
“I think I’ll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb.”
