Punishment
Pupil: “Teacher, can a fellow be punished for something he hasn’t done?”
Teacher: “No, of course not.”
Pupil: “That’s good, because I haven’t done my homework.”
Golfer
Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world!”
Caddy: “I don’t think so, sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.”
New Submarine Ensign
The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he’d dreamed of working since a young boy. He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Submarine School.
The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, “Listen, ‘sir,’ it’s real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result doesn’t come out even, don’t open the hatch.”