Bagel Storm
It was a terrible night, blowing cold and rain in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted and the local baker was just about to close up shop when a little man slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out, and was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But even so he still looked wet and bedraggled.
As he unwound his scarf he said to the baker, “May I have two bagels to go, please?”
The baker said in astonishment, “Two bagels? Nothing more?”
“That’s right,” answered the little man. “One for me and one for Bernice.”
“Bernice is your wife?” Asked the baker.
“What do you think,” snapped the little man, “my mother would send me out on a night like this?”
Public Speaking
At a dinner party, the speaker who was the guest of honor was about to deliver his speech when his wife, who was sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word “KISS” scribbled on it.
A guest seated next to the speaker said, “Your wife has sent you a KISS before you begin your speech. She must love you very much.”
The speaker replied, “You don’t know my wife. The letters stand for “Keep It Short Stupid.”
Spelling nothing
Kathy’s 5-year-old developed a strong interest in spelling once she learned to spell STOP. After that, she tried to figure out her own words. From the back seat of the car she’d ask, “Mom, what does FGRPL spell?”
“Nothing,” Kathy said.
Sitting at breakfast she’d suddenly ask, “Mom, what does DOEB spell?”
“Nothing,” Kathy answered.
This went on for several weeks. Then one afternoon as they sat coloring in her room she asked, “Mom, what does LMDZ spell?”
Kathy smiled at her and said, “Nothing, sweetheart.”
The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon, sighed and said, “Boy, there sure are a lot of ways to spell Nothing!”
