Daylight Savings Time
A city slicker stopped at a rural gas station. It was about 5 p.m. and the sun was already starting to set. As the grizzled old station attendant pumped gas, the city slicker casually commented, “I sure hate it when daylight savings ends and we lose that hour, don’t you?”
The old guy replied, “Well, out here it stay lights until it gets dark, so it doesn’t make much difference.”
Wedding Speech
Our nephew was getting married to a doctor’s daughter.
At the wedding reception, the father of the bride stood to read his toast, which he had scribbled on a piece of scrap paper. Several times during his speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed was a moment of deep emotion.
But after a particularly long pause, he explained, “I’m sorry. I can’t seem to make out what I’ve written down.”
Looking out into the audience, he asked, “Is there a pharmacist in the house?”
Choosing a Husband
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors, and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor, the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 – These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking, and help with the housework.
“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims. “I can hardly stand it!”
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 – You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that some women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
