Comparison
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?”
The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix ’em, put ’em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?”
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic…
“Try doing it with the engine running.”
Meatloaf
A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears.
“Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grandma’s meat loaf for dinner tonight, and it’s just awful! I followed the recipe exactly, and I know I have the recipe right because it’s the one you gave me. But it just didn’t come out right, and I’m so upset. I wanted this to be so special for George because he loves meat loaf. What could have gone wrong?”
Her mother replied soothingly, “Well, dear, let’s go through the recipe. You read it out loud and tell me exactly what you did at each step, and together we’ll figure it out.”
“Okay,” the bride sniffled. “Well, it starts out, ‘Take fifty cents worth of ground beef’………….”
Stars
“I can see how astronomers figure out the distance of the stars and their size and temperatures and all that, but what really gets me is how they find out what their names are!”
Guilty Pleasure
It was moving day. The previous owners were going to finish moving out that morning, and we were going to start moving in that afternoon.
We showed up just as they were finishing up, around lunchtime. The couple was sitting down for a breather before they left. The wife suggested to her husband that they go to McDonald’s for lunch. She told us with guilty pleasure, “I know it’s not good for me, but I just love burgers and fries.”
Her husband had a somewhat disgusted look on his face. He told us, in all seriousness, “Not me. I’m a meat and potatoes man.”
Nervous Preacher
A new preacher had just begun his sermon. He was a little nervous and about ten minutes into the talk his mind went blank. He remembered some advice they gave him in seminary school for when a situation like this arose — repeat your last point. Often this will help you remember what should come next. So he gave it a try.
“Behold, I come quickly,” he said. Still his mind was blank. So he tried again, “Behold, I come quickly!” Still nothing.
He tried once more, this time with so much vehemence that he tripped over his microphone wire and fell off the stage, right into the lap of a little old lady in the front row.
The young preacher was very embarrassed and tried to apologize, and the woman replied, “That’s all right, young man. It was my fault…I should have gotten out of the way. You told me three times you were coming!”
