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When I read the story of Mary and
how she was expecting to bear Jesus, while she was betrothed to Joseph, I am
always interested in the customs of the day. Here is an overview of the
betrothal and wedding customs at the time Jesus was born.
Stage 1- Betrothal
Betrothal was what we would
consider an “engagement” today. The first stage of the betrothal was
finding a suitable spouse for the bride or bridegroom. In the ancient Near
Eastern culture, this was most often initiated by the families of the bride and
groom. Though a young man could make his preference for a wife known to his
family, his parents may or may not have agreed to pursue his wishes. Young men
and women were pledged to each other at ages as young as twelve or thirteen.
The second stage of betrothal
involved a sort of “prenuptial agreement”. Before witnesses, the
young man and woman would enter into a formal betrothal. It was a legally
binding contract, which gave the man legal rights over the woman. Once a couple
entered this stage of betrothal, it could only be broken by a formal divorce.
The terms “husband” and “wife” were used during this
period, though the couple did not live together. Sexual relations were not
permitted during this time, and if one was found to be unfaithful to the other,
it was considered adultery. At the time of Jesus’ birth, adultery was
punishable by stoning. Also, if one of the young people died, the other would
be considered a “widow” or “widower”.
Stage 2- Wedding
The length of betrothal was
generally about a year. The wedding was a special ceremony. Both bride and
bridegroom wore special wedding clothes. The wedding started with a procession
of the groom and his companions to the bride’s home. The company would then
escort the bride and her companions back to the groom’s home where there would
be a special supper prepared. During this celebration, the parents and friends
blessed the couple and the father of the bride drew up a written marriage
contract. The couple would then be escorted to a special “bridal
chamber” where the marriage would be consummated. As prescribed in the Old
Testament, evidence of the bride’s virginity would then be given. Marriage
festivities continued for up to a week.
It is always interesting to
reflect on the marriage customs of another culture. This is especially true
when the customs are so different from the traditions we observe.
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