A smart man only believes half of what he hears. A wise man knows which half.
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Humor Quote
When I was a kid, I could toast a marshmallow over my birthday cake. Now I could roast a turkey.
Play the world’s smallest violin
I feel sorry for the guy who has to play the world’s smallest violin. Everybody just thinks he’s being sarcastic.
Humor Quote
The ticket said “scratch to win.” I’ve been scratching myself for hours and I still haven’t won anything!
Exercise
If it weren’t for the fact that the TV and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn’t get any exercise at all.