Your Weight Recently, I called to make reservations on a small charter plane that departs from the Teterboro airport in New Jersey. I knew I would be flying in a very small plane, so I wasn’t surprised when the clerk said, “The plane is very full with baggage and passengers.” …
Your Weight / Piece fo Mind / “Committee Praise” Read More »
Zero to 200A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wife’s birthday.His wife told him, “Tomorrow, there better be something in the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in under 10 seconds.”The next morning, the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened …
A guy goes into the doctor’s office. There’s a banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril, and a cucumber in the other ear.
The man says, “Doc, this is terrible. What’s wrong with me?”
The doctor says, “Well, first of all, you’re not eating right.”
An English teacher at Michigan State University spent a lot of time marking grammatical errors on her students’ written work. She wasn’t sure how much impact she was having until one overly busy day when she sat at her desk rubbing her temples. A student asked, “What’s the matter, Mrs. …
What Would You Be? The Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. “Let’s take an example. If I were to get into a man’s pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be? Little Johnny?” “You’d be his wife!” …
What Would You Be? / A Nice Surprise / Not Enough Water Read More »
What Horse? A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine. “What was that for?” he asked. “That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on …
What Horse? / Acts 2:38 / Everybody’s a Comedian Read More »
A man walked into a doctor’s office. “What do you have?” the receptionist asked. “Shingles,” he replied. She told him to sit down. Soon a nurse called him and asked, “What do you have?” “Shingles,” he replied. She took his blood pressure, weight, and complete medical history. Then she took …
How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb? She says, “Daddy, I want a new apartment.” What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids. What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick. …
Wedding At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, “As you give your daughter’s hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him.” The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride’s hand on his son-in-law’s arm …
Wet Yet? Cassie was a really good mom. When her children were growing up, her one son gave her more than a few “stop and count to 10” periods. Once, after her small son fell into the pond and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated …
