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Employee Benefits / Letter of Recommendation

CartoonEmployee Benefits

A woman, searching
for a job, inquired about the benefits. The personnel manager informed her they
had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the
employee’s pay.

She said, “My
last employer had full health coverage, as well as, five years salary for life
insurance, a month’s sick leave and they paid the full premiums.”

“I can’t help
but asking, madam, why you would leave a job with such benefits,” the
interviewer replied.

The woman shrugged
her shoulders and said, “The company went bankrupt.”

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Lessons learned from a snake, a cake, and a apple

I don’t remember the argument. It’s the rage, frustration, and anger I remember. Forty-five years later, I still have no clue WHY I was so angry with my mother.
I do remember something, however. At three years old, revenge wasn’t in my vocabulary – but it was in my heart.
Outside on a sunny day a slithering line of brown ripples through lush green grass. I’ve found my perfect revenge. A garter snake! Even whispering the word, snake, Is enough to make my mother shiver and shriek.
Racing to the door; up goes the mail slot; in goes the snake.
I sit down and giggle. I wrap my arms around myself and giggle some more. I almost wet myself with delight I’m so eager for my mothers coming fright. In my imagination I see Mom walking, suddenly stopping, face turning white, mouth opening, a horrified howl.
I would like to say I heard a scream. I would like to say my revenge was satisfied.
I can’t.
Instead I waited for the scream. Wait. Wait. Wait.
Fast forward ten years. Once again I’m waiting – waiting for my sister’s fiancée to get out of the bathroom. He carefully brushes strands of hair forward to cover his bald spot. I watch him spray until his hair’s a solid mat of fastidious fibres studiously cemented to the crown of his head like a rooster’s comb.
Later, I have the pleasure of watching him water ski. Speedos several sizes too small – partially hidden by an overlapping stomach dancing to the drum-beat thump of skis hitting waves, varnished mat of hair flapping up and down in the breeze.
To say I like Don would be like saying a person with a sensitive nose likes the smell of wet burlap bags.
At dinner I notice Don shaking the pepper over his food. And I get an idea for payback. There, on the table, a single slice of birthday cake remains. I’ll play a nice little girl and give that slice to Don. But I can’t just give him plain vanilla cake. I have to spice it up.
I lift the icing – and add pepper. I even scoop out part of the cake and scoop in a teaspoon of pepper. Carefully I reassemble the cake. My brilliant alterations are barely noticeable.
Innocence exuding from my face, I’m an angel, bearing a gift in my hands. I offer the cake to Don. He lifts a fork to his lips.
I anticipate a cough, cake spewing across the table, Don’s eyes watering from the strength of the spice.
I wait. And wait. And wait.

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Answered Prayer

I slammed the car door and shoved the keys into the ignition. I have to get out of here before I do something stupid. I held onto the steering wheel as I tried to get my mind in order. The dark car was a quiet comfort from the lighted chaos

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