On your birthday, send a thank you card to your mom.

If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'

I hate it when I think that I'm buying "Organic" vegetables, but when I get home they're just regular donuts

It's okay to be smarter than people...just don't tell them so.

You can't pass the buck if it never physically touches you.

Why do we call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? If we do that we might as well be consistent and say "chicken-bird" sandwich.

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

There are three kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.