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Eye Glass Confessions

As the three ladies picked up a menu, each put on a pair of glasses.

"I really only need mine for close reading," explained the first.

Remarked the second, "I only use mine when the light is bad."

The third confessed, "I rarely wear mine - except when I want to see."

 

Barbecue Forks

As the coals from our barbecue burned down, our hosts passed out marshmallows and long roasting forks.

Just then, two fire trucks roared by, sirens blaring, lights flashing. They stopped at a house right down the block.

All twelve of us raced out of the back yard, down the street, where we found the owners of the blazing house standing by helplessly. They glared at us with looks of disgust.

Suddenly, we realized why...

We were all still holding our roasting forks with marshmallows on them.

 

Do You Have a Life?

Have you ever been embarrassed by misunderstanding something somebody said?

It happened to me a few days ago.

I was on a public bus. I was bored, so I was playing Tetris on my cell phone. An elderly woman was sitting across from me, and I heard her ask, "Do you have a life?"

I guessed she was making a snide remark about my not having anything better to do on the bus than to play a silly little game on an electronic device, but I didn't dare use a snide response. So I just said, "Yes, I do."

Then she responded, "Where is it?"

I supposed that this was either an odd way to articulate her disbelief in my having a life, or some weird sort of philosophical catechism regarding life. I had trouble answering, but I said, "Uh ... that's a hard question to answer. It isn't a physical object of which you can pinpoint the location." I didn't say much more about it, because I didn't want to get into a religious discussion of the location of life with her.

Then she replied in the way I least expected, "Yeah, whatever. Can I borrow it for a sec?"

I thought it was extremely odd for her to ask to borrow my life. It also piqued my curiosity about her intentions. So I said, "Er ... how would you propose I do that?"

"Look, just give it to me, I'll use it for a little bit and give it back to you."

I figured that before she chanted some incantation directing spirits to temporarily donate my life, I would at least find out why she wanted my life. So I ask just that, "What do you want my life for?"

She gave me a puzzled look.

From our following discourse, which I do not remember very well, I found out that she was actually asking me if I had a cigarette lighter. ("Do you have a light?")

I can only imagine how odd my responses seemed to her.