A calorie-conscious woman drove past a bakery and saw some gorgeous Christmas cookies.
She decided to pray about it: "Lord, if you want me to have some of those delicious cookies, let me have a parking place directly in front of the bakery."
And sure enough, the eighth time around the block, there it was!
The new family in the neighborhood overslept, and their six-year-old daughter missed her school bus. The father, though late for work, said he would drive her if she'd direct him to the school.
They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time. Several blocks later she told him to turn again. After 20 minutes of turn after turn, they finally reached the school. At that point, the father realized they were only a few blocks from their home. Extremely annoyed, he asked his daughter why she had led him around in such circles.
"But, daddy," the child protested, "that's the way the school bus goes, and it's the only way I know."
A traffic policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the speed limit. He asked the driver for her name. She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan, visiting my daughter "
The cop put away his summons book and pen and said,
"Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again.”
An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found 4 males in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice that she knows how to use it and that she will if required... so get out of the car!
The 4 men didn't wait around for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the drivers seat.
Small problem: her key wouldn't fit the ignition. Her car was identical and parked four / five spaces further down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.
The sergeant that she told the story to nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where 4 pale males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly white woman... no charges were filed.