Little Johnny's mother put carrots on his plate in spite of his dislike for them saying, "They're good for your eyes and will help you see in the dark!"

Little Johnny replied, "You eat them Mommy, I'll use a flashlight!"


First time church experience

My grandson Justin returned from his first time in church and was asked how it went. He said, "The music was nice, but the commercial was too long."


Claim form

The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her leg and came into our insurance office to file a disability claim. As I scanned the claim form, I did a double take. Under "Reason unable to work," she wrote: "Can't stand to cook."


Expensive parrot

A man went to buy a parrot. The pet shop owner pointed out three identical parrots and said, "The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars."

"Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered.

The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."

The man asked about the next parrot.

"That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the LINUX operating system."

Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot.

"That one costs 2,000 dollars."

"And what does that one do?" the man asked.

The owner replied, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him Boss."