From the backwoods
They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel.
She said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning. "
"But, madam!", replied the bellman.
"Don't "But madam' me," she continued.
"You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools just because we don't travel much, and we've never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I'm going to complain to the manager."
"Madam," the bellman said, "this isn't your room; this is the elevator!"
The not-so-sober gentleman gets on a bus. The driver, impatient while the man’s fumbles in his pocket for change, drives off. As the bus starts rolling, the man reacts to the sudden movement by stumbling all the way to the back of the bus. The bus stops at the next stop.
He reacts by stumbling to the front of the bus.
Still the not-so-sober gentleman is fumbling in his pocket for change. The bus jerks forward once again, and the man stumbles uncontrollably to the back of the bus once again. Next stop, the same thing happens.
In fact, every time the bus stops, the man would stagger to the front. Every time the bus starts, he staggers uncontrollably to the back.
A few stops later, the man starts to exit the bus from the front.
"Hey," shouts the bus driver.... "You didn't pay your fare yet!"
The man, still reeling, shouts back,
"Why should I?!. . . I walked all the way!"
Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich."
The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."The third one responded, "Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table. Then she told them, "That must be the door; I'll get it!"