A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he must have overlooked the first notice.
"Oh," confided the collector with a smile. "We don't send first notices anymore. Everybody ignored them. Second notices are much more effective."
Do I Smell?
Trying to control my dry hair, I treated my scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an odor, I washed my hair several times.
That night when I went to bed, I leaned over to my husband and asked, "Do I smell like olive oil"?
"No," he said, sniffing me. "Do I smell like Popeye"?
A man called his mother in Florida.
"Mom, how are you"?
"Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son said, "Why are you so weak"?
She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days"?
The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."