Father of the Bride

At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him."

The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand on his son-in-law's arm and said, "No deposit, no return."

Charlie's Hole

In One Robert goes golfing every Saturday. One Saturday, he comes home three hours late. His wife asks him, "What took you so long?" The guy says, "That was the worst game of golf I've ever had. We got up to the first tee, and Charlie hit a hole-in-one and immediately dropped dead of a heart attack." The guy's wife says, "That's terrible!" The guy says, "I know. Then, for the rest of the game, it was hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie. . ."

Commitment

Two high school girls were talking one morning about boys. Susan said, "I can't understand why boys are so afraid of commitment." Debbie replied, "Tell me about it! I dated one guy for a year and a half, and I finally had to give him an ultimatum. "What did you say?" Susan asked "I just told him, 'Look, either you tell me your last name, or it's over!'"