Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?"
"Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it."
"I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?"
"If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family."
Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off.
When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey.
Night Out Dancing
A husband, who is not the most outgoing guy, relents to his wife's months of nagging to take her out dancing. During the evening one guy on the dance floor is giving it large - break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.
Seeing this performance, the wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Her husband replies, "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"
Do It Yourself
When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.
Because the store charged R150 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself.
Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly.
"We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."
As Bill grew old, physicians greatly restricted his activities, and it irked him enormously. A nurse had been hired to tend to his needs as he had now been confined to total bed rest.
"Nurse, I would like to do some reading," Bill said.
"Fine," the nurse replied, "What kind of reading would you like? A magazine, a book?"
"Well with the way the doctors have limited my activities," he replied, "Why don't you just bring me a postage stamp."