There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

A new government study found that women who carry a little extra weigh live longer than men who mention it.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Don't give up on your dreams...unless your dreams are really, really stupid.

I've been losing my sense of my checkbook.

Archaeologists never discover anything new.

It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They are in front of you in the express lane at the supermarket.

I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills, or cleaning up their kid’s mess.