Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.

The nice thing about cold weather is that you immediately know if you've walked outside with your fly unzipped.

This year I'm using big words to sound smart...Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence.

It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.

You only have one childhood. It may as well last your entire life.

If life isn't worth living, what else can you do with it?

Reaching into a pair of pants and finding money is a great feeling, till the person that owns the pants screams at you.

The bravest thing you can do when you are not brave is to profess courage and act accordingly.