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Ice fishing

This guy decides to go ice fishing. He collects his gear, goes out onto the ice, pulls out an auger and starts drilling.

LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: "There are no fish there."

So the guy goes to another spot and starts to drill.

LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: "There's no fish there, either."

Undaunted, the guy tries a third spot.

LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: "Nope. Not there either."

The guy is getting a little nervous. He looks up and calls out: "Are you God?

LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: "No. I'm the arena manager."

Willie Hit By Car

Breaking News: Willie Nelson hit by a car.

He was playing "On the Road Again."

Murphy’s Law for Preachers:

Law #1: If the weather is bad, church attendance will be down.

Law #2: If the weather is good, church attendance will be down.

Substitute Teacher

Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I work, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his classroom with his forehead against a locker.

I heard him mutter, "How did you get yourself into this?"

Knowing that he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer moral support.

"Are you okay?" I asked. "Can I help?"

He lifted his head and replied, "I'll be fine as soon as I get this kid out of his locker."

Coffee Stir

A diner was agitated that the waiter had brought him no spoon with his coffee. "This coffee," he said loud enough for most of the other patrons to hear, "is going to be pretty hot to stir with my fingers."

The waiter reddened, made a hasty retreat to the kitchen and returned shortly with another cup of coffee.

"This one isn't so hot, sir," he beamed.