It was Palm Sunday but because of a sore throat, 5-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter.
When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm fronds. Johnny asked them what they were for.
"People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his father told him.
"Wouldn't you know it," Johnny fumed, "the one Sunday I don't go and He shows up."
Dig, Dig, Dig
A husband and wife constantly bickered and fought, often yelling deep into the night. Most fights ended with the husband shouting, "When I die, I will dig my way up, out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
Everybody in the neighborhood who heard this threat feared and avoided him for his temper - a fact he enjoyed right up to the day he dropped dead of a heart attack in the middle of one of his tirades.
After his funeral and burial, his widow threw a huge party for the neighborhood to celebrate their shared freedom. The neighbors, however, were concerned for her safety and asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"
The wife smiled and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down. And I know he won't ask for directions."
DOCTOR FUNNY #1
After the doctor gave the patient his diagnosis, the patient asked, "Can I have a second opinion?"
The doctor replied, "Sure. Come back tomorrow."
DOCTOR FUNNY #2
Two kids were deciding what game to play. One said, "Let's play doctor."
"Good idea," said the other. "You operate, and I'll sue."