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In Flight Announcement

A plane took off from Louisville International Airport, and when it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain started his announcements over the intercom. 

"Ladies and gentleman, this is your captain speaking.  Welcome to Flight Number 254, nonstop from Louisville to Miami.  The weather ahead is good and we expect a smooth and uneventful flight.  So just sit back and relax - OH NOOOOOOOO!"

Silence followed for several minutes. 

Finally the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry for the earlier scare.  While I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled it in my lap.  You should see the front of my pants!"

Back in coach, a passenger said to the person next to him, "That's nothing!  He should see the back of mine!"

Pierced Ears

The students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears.

"Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes."

"Did it hurt?" "Just a little."

"Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun."

Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did they stand?"

Answered Prayer

During the minister's prayer, one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Gary's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, "Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?"

Gary answered, soberly, "I asked God to teach me to whistle. and He just then did!"