New location

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.

They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, "Rest in peace." The owner was frustrated and called the florist to complain.

After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how frustrated he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting frustrated, you should imagine this - somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location.'"

Holiday Restaurant

I almost got thrown out of my sister-in-law's house one year at the holidays. I told them that I was thinking of opening a restaurant (I did this with a straight face, so they thought I was serious).

She and her family at the time were vegetarians, but I said I was going to open a restaurant that specialized in venison dishes.

I was going to call it, "The Buck Stops Here," and my slogan was going to be, "Bambi: You've seen the movie. Now, eat the star!"

Pork Delivery

A German farmer with relatives in the US sent them a package consisting of some pork sausages made from his old pig.

When they complained that the package had not yet arrived, he wrote:

"Cheer up. The wurst is yet to come."