080911

Inheritance

A dying granny tells her granddaughter, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the villa, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and R220,398,750.78 in cash."

The granddaughter, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh granny, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?"

With her last breath, Granny whispered, "Facebook..."

Parking Lot Delivery

A doctor who spoke limited Spanish was rushed to a car in the ER parking lot to find a Spanish woman in the process of giving birth. Wanting to tell the woman to push he started yelling "Puta! Puta! Puta!".

At this, the Grandmother started to cry and the baby's father had to be restrained.

What the doctor should have been saying was "Puja!" (Push).

Instead he was saying "Whore! Whore! Whore!".

Division of Labor

The couple had an outstandingly happy and successful marriage. The husband was once asked to what he attributed this remarkable situation.

"It's simple," he said. "Division of labor. My wife makes all the small, routine decisions. She decides what house we buy, where we go on vacation, whether the kids go to private schools, if I should change my job, and so on."

And you?

"I make the big, fundamental decisions. I decide if South Africa should declare war on China, if Parlement should budget for a manned expedition to Mars, and so on."