020911

Ticket Explanation

Her car was speeding along the N1 at well over 140 km/h when it passed by a Traffic officer. Obviously, the officer was compelled to pull the young female driver over and he asked to see her license. After looking it over, he said to her, "It stipulates here on your license that you should be wearing glasses."

"Well, I have contacts," the woman replied.

"Look lady, I don't care who you know," snapped the officer. "You're getting a ticket."

Wedding Toast to Groom

My husband, Lawrence, had offered to give the toast at the wedding of his longtime friend Theo. They had shared many happy, and foolish incidents, and as the day approached, there was much speculation as to which events Lawrence was going to reveal.

At the reception when Lawrence rose to speak, the groom looked terrified. "I don't have to tell you anything embarrassing about Theo," Lawrence began, "because for the last three months, he's been so worried about what I might say that he's already confessed everything he could think of to his bride."

Reading the label

I should have figured it out sooner.

It's the shampoo I use in the shower. When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body.

Printed very clearly on the shampoo label it reads, "FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY."

I have gotten rid of THAT shampoo and I am going to start using dish detergent.

Its label reads, "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE."

Problem solved! It sure pays to read the label...

Parking Space Sign Language

After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man driving very slowly in the same direction, and, since he was closer, I gave him the "Are you going to park there?" look.

His responding gestures were very complicated. First he shook his head. Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space and then at himself, his watch and the mall. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his palms upward and shrugged. Once I parked, I walked over to the driver to make sure he didn't want the space.

"You must be single," he replied. "If you were married, you would've known that was the universal sign for 'Go ahead and take the spot. I'm waiting for my wife.'"

Spending too much time

"I worry we are spending so much time on the Internet we are losing our ability to connect with people on TV."

~@toddieC