Dewey wanted to be an accountant, so he went and took the accountancy exam.
Examiner: If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits do you have?
Examiner: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Examiner: Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles of pop and then I give you another two bottles of pop, how many bottles of pop have you got?
Examiner: Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Examiner: How on earth do you work out that two lots of two rabbits is five?
Dewey: I've already got one rabbit at home!
A farmer and his wife had just awakened one morning to the crowing of their rooster. While still in bed, the farmer's wife says, "Pa, you know our neighbor Mr. Jones?"
"Yes Ma, I reckon I do," replied the sleepy farmer.
"Well, every morning before he leaves the house for work, he gives his wife a big ol' kiss. Why don't you ever do that? "
The farmer sighed and said, "Well, I reckon I can, but I just don't know her very well."
A young scholar from Johannesburg was invited to become Rabbi in a small old community in South Africa.
On his very first Shabbat, a hot debate erupted as to whether one should or should not stand during the reading of the Ten Commandments.
The next day, the rabbi visited 98 year-old Mr. Katz in the nursing home.
"Mr. Katz, I'm asking you, as the oldest member of the community," said the rabbi, "what is our synagogue's custom during the reading of the Ten Commandments?"
"Why do you ask?" asked Mr. Katz.
"Yesterday we read the Ten Commandments. Some people stood, some people sat. The ones standing started screaming at the ones sitting, telling them to stand up. The ones sitting started screaming at the ones standing, telling them to sit down... "
"That," said the old man, "is our custom."