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Ring valuation

An acquaintance of mine whose daughter was about to be married decided to give her a diamond ring that had been in the family for several generations. The stone had never been appraised, so the father asked a geologist friend if she would take a look at it. She agreed, but said that instead of a fee she'd accept lunch at one of Johannesburg's finer restaurants.

A few days later, as he and the gem expert sat sipping a glass of the finest wine, he showed her the ring. She took out her jeweler's magnifier, examined the diamond carefully and handed it back.

"Wow," said a tourist who had been watching from the next table.

"These South African women are tough!"


Dieting

A man was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day. Then eat regularly again for two days, then skip a day. Repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5kg."

When the man returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 20kg!

"Wow, that's amazing!" the doctor said. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The man nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead on the third day."

"From the hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.

"No, from the skipping."