My mother works in a laboratory and is responsible for keeping tissue cultures alive. So that she won't forget, she writes "feed cells" on her calendar. One day she noticed that someone had scribbled in "take cells for a walk."
By the end of the month, a number of anonymous reminders had been added: "Take cells to Disneyland," "Cells on vacation," "Cells back" and, on Yom Kippur, "Jewish cells get the day off."
Rolex and Timex
A girl was visiting her friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The friend responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"Helloooooooooooooo," answered the girl. "They're watch dogs!"
A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever. She left work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened.
The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, but said to herself, "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her help. Within five minutes an old, beat-up motor motorcycle pulled up with a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.
The woman thought, "This is what You sent to help me?" But she was desperate, so she was also very thankful. The man got off of his bike and asked if he could help.
She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her, please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened.
She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank you SO much! You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison yesterday - for car theft."
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, "Oh, thank you God! You even sent me a professional!"